This day, May 7th, Americans are celebrating an unusual, yet popular occasion. Today is National Masturbation Day!

This is a glorious day to appreciate the art of self-stimulation. Most guys do this, maybe once, twice, thrice (?) a day, so it's already a part of our routine/day.

So, if you have the urge to "jimmy your crank", "choke the chicken", "flog the dolphin", "play ping-pong with your organ", "clean your heavy equipment", "peel the wolverine", "strain the meat", "tease the snot out of Rotney", "pull the one-eyed monster", "cuff the ham", and others, always remember this day; the day where we can be proud to do this!

P.S. For other synonyms, check out this site.